I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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