happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Boobs speak an international language.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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