I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
