please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
