You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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