if only i could text you this smell
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
