Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
