Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
