the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We were destined to go to rehab together
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
