as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
