i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
