I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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