i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
