carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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