Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
