well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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