i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
