loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
