dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Houston, we have a blender
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I have fence marks all over my body
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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