Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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