I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
BRING THE BAGELS
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize