Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
