here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
