The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
