Who did Billy Mays play for?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
