In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
