I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
