I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
