So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just pee around me
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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