If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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