i just wanna soil my oats bro
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
