but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
this will be a night to untag.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
