Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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