WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
