I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
