just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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