You made me cry and you don't even care
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
