I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
