the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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