Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
