I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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