Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
