dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
