I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
