i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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