She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My vagina is officially offended.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
