feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
