Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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