I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
it hurts more in the daytime
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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