I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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