I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
