You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
