did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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