I think i sorta joined a cult last night
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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