Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
