How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize