Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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