I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
