Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
