he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
