My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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