I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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