they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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