and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I came so hard my ears popped.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
