Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
